so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
