I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
