so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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