Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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