Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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