put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
