Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
