drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
