At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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