Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
