a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
