I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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