And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
