she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
