Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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