What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
