ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
