Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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