They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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