shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
