I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize