I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
