I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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