porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
