you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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