come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
