He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
