Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
