...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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