I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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