We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
