States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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