My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
