You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
