Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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