i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
