The maid of honor just puked.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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