I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
