Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
