I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
