the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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