I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
