OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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