Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
