That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize