I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize