if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sex in a hospital.. check
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
