he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize