no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
