90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
