Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
