We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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