Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
