I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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