i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Congratulations! We have a period
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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