I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
