all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
