SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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