And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize