i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
