I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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