just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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