Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
