i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
