i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize