I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
