She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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