I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Alive.
So much puke
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
