Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize
