I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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