He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
