I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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