Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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