I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize