if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
