The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
