Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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