So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
