Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
