I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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