So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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