when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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