I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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