I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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