You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
