I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
