If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
