so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
